Giving Myself A Hand

I’m one of the world’s millions of single twenty-somethings.

I have no one to keep me company at night, no one to take out for dinner, no one to cuddle up to when it’s cold outside and just not warm enough inside.

But let it be known, I’m OK with that. Really.

See, I’m ok with that because, as you know, I have myself. Oh yes, that’s exactly what I mean.

I handle myself quite well, most of the time.

It’s just that, sometimes, even I’m not in the mood for it.

And while that shouldn’t be a problem, it turns out to be quite the predicament when I convince myself to suck it up and go for it. They do say it’s like pizza, right?

Most of the time it’s just fine, but every so often, it fails miserably.

Have you ever fallen asleep on yourself?

I have.

Yes, friends, I’m man enough to say that there are times in my life when even I don’t do it for me and I wake up the next morning with my pants around my ankles and severely confused.

More than once.

(Actually, a few times. For serious.)

It’s Funny Because They Don’t Even Have Boobs At All…

I was called a racist yesterday by someone who actually meant it.

It came as a surprise, to say the least. I mean, sure, I’m well known for believing (and saying) things that most people find a bit, well, off-putting, but, come on, can you really show me any concrete studies that say that darker people aren’t any less qualified than lighter skinned people?

Past experience has shown me that you can’t.

And you can’t fight inconclusive results. It’s just the way the world works.

And it’s not that I want to judge an entire group based my my run-ins with a few select members of one or two ethnic classes, but hey, I want to fit in.

So I go where the people are. (The white people, of course.)

I told this person that I’m a big fan of shock-humor, that sometimes I say things just to see what people’s reactions would be.

Then I pointed out her that her boobs were slightly lopsided.

I don’t think she got the joke.

Probably it’s ’cause she was Asian. Those people have no sense of humor when it comes to these things.

This Isn’t The Beginning

Welcome (Back). 

It’s the dawn of a new era.

A new home, a new domain, a new chance to make people uncomfortable with my over-the-top and oddly enticing humor, commentary on the over-indulged and self-absorbed world of today’s twentysomething, cliches included.

Join in the fun, stop by once in a while – it’s just like the old home, only better. And flashier. But not.

I promise it’ll be fun.